But why is the question that I am struggling to find out. I have some theories.
1. I am afraid of failure so I sabotage myself before I fail.
2. I am afraid of change
3. I am afraid of attention
4. I have hid behind a layer of fat that I felt has protected me all these years
I could go on. I have been through a lot of hard experiences in my life most like everyone else. We all have our stories. Being heavy was my protection. I fed myself to make me feel better. I ate when I experienced any emotions that hurt. Eating numbed me.
Now after this surgery I do not have that crutch so easily now. I have to cope a different way. I have to face my fears, anger, sadness and despair.
I am slowly doing this. I rely on the bible and praying to my Lord. I read the scripture The Armor of God. Ephesians 6 :10 – 20.
One thing that I have learned from my brother is to enjoy one day at a time. I will take one step at a time, one breath at a time and one moment at a time.
Dear Jessica you are doing well, very will said. I'm reading a good book called "A Grace Disquised" You might like it. I will pray for you forever. May God Bless You everyday. Much love Mom
ReplyDeleteI understand the protection felt by hiding within the "fat suit". I worry about not having that crutch as well.
ReplyDeleteHi Ordinary Girl,
ReplyDeleteIt is hard but the first step is to realize it. I have been through a lot of emotions and I have to continue to fight myself on this. I realize and then move forward with changing my behaviors. I now exercise and that helps me a lot. If you ever need someone to talk to you can always talk to me.
Hi my daughter, please come by and pick up Mac and I. Mac would love to wonder and you can vent as loud as you want. It really helps..Love You Mom
ReplyDelete