Before and After

The first picture is me with my husband and I do not even know how much I weighed at that time. When I started tracking it at the doctors office I was at 299. I think I weight more than this though.

The 2nd picture is me at around 80 lbs weight loss. I have lost a total of 90 lbs so far and just pasted my 6 month mark.

Holiday struggles

The holidays are probably the hardest time of the year for me. 

I have been struggling with my diet and exercise lately. I seem to put my self down every time I mess up.

I discussed with my nutritionist about this pattern that I follow and she suggested that I focus on the good things I did every day and not focus on the negative things.

So I decided to take her advice and it is working. It takes a long time to change the way a person thinks, so this is a process for me that will take some time.

Along with what I am eating, drinking and recording my exercise in my journal I have started writing down my feelings and accomplishments.

This really is helping me, it is a great visual to read what  my feelings and accomplishments are.

I also decided to join weight watchers a 17 week program at my work. I will start this on Thursday.

I will let you know how this is going. I decided to do this because I noticed that I was falling back into my old habits.

Falling back into my old habits scares the crap out of me.

Does anyone else put themselves down when he or she messes up on his or her diet and exercise? I would love to read your thoughts on this. 

Alcohol

Ok I have learned something this past couple of weeks that is scary.  I would be very easy for me to become an alcoholic after this surgery.

A couple of weeks ago I decided to see how alcohol affects me now after surgery. One glass and I was feeling the effects.  I did not get sick and I felt relaxed. But the effects wear off faster. Pretty soon I had to drink more and more to keep this effect going.

I am only 4 and a half post op and I am finding myself replacing food with alcohol. This is not good at all.

I have dumped the rest of the wine down the drain and decided to not drink any more. I don’t need the empty calories and I don’t need to become dependent on alcohol.

I noticed when I drank the alcohol I would let my other behaviors creep up on me. I would eat more, cheat more and not exercise.

Thankfully I am aware of this and I can and am getting back on track. I have to forgive myself for falling off my plan and just move forward.

I think the key to success is to recognize our behaviors and then continue to make those needed changes. Also we need to forgive ourselves for these repeated mistakes and know that we are only human and that we can move forward towards our goal.

Every day is a new day and I am moving forward with my continued goal. I have forgiven myself for my mistakes and I will move forward.

Puree Foods Yummy!

When you get out of surgery you get to eat puree foods for a month. I bet you are thinking oh yum! It is probably the toughest part of the process eating food wise until later when you can eat most everything.

I think the hardest part to this whole process is when you can eat most everything again. There is more room for temptation and cheating. But we will get to that at a later time. I want to talk about the second hardest part of the process of eating food after life with weight loss surgery.

I remember when I got back to my room after my surgery I could only drink water for the rest of the day. I had a hard time talking and my throat hurt. I am assuming it was from a tube stuck down my throat during surgery.

The next day I was able to eat. I waited with anticipation of what hospital food I would get to eat that day. I finally got my first meal and it was breakfast. I got puree eggs and apple sauce. Not bad not very tasty but I was able to choke it down! Next came lunch. I got some brown goop and some green goop. I found out the brown goop was puree pork and the green goop was puree green beans. The pork was good the green beans were NASTY!

Once I got home from the hospital I had to continue to eat puree foods. Believe me you become very creative during this stage. I had to focus on eating protein! Puree meats were not very appetizing looking, so I steered clear of those.  I mostly ate cottage cheese, yogurt, refried beans and chili.

The month does go by and then the torture is over. If you are thinking about getting weight loss surgery just remember it is only a month,  a blip in time that you have to eat the puree foods. If I can do it so can you!  

Weight loss struggles

I am learning a lot about myself lately going through the surgery and loosing the weight. I have realized I sabotage myself.

But why is the question that I am struggling to find out. I have some theories.

1.       I am afraid of failure so I sabotage myself before I fail.

2.       I am afraid of change

3.       I am afraid of attention

4.       I have hid behind a layer of fat that I felt has protected me all these years

I could go on. I have been through a lot of hard experiences in my life most like everyone else. We all have our stories.  Being heavy was my protection. I fed myself to make me feel better.  I ate when I experienced any emotions that hurt. Eating numbed me.

Now after this surgery I do not have that crutch so easily now. I have to cope a different way. I have to face my fears, anger, sadness and despair.

I am slowly doing this. I rely on the bible and praying to my Lord. I read the scripture The Armor of God.  Ephesians 6 :10 – 20.

One thing that I have learned from my brother is to enjoy one day at a time. I will take one step at a time, one breath at a time and one moment at a time.

Hi all

I am starting this blog to share my experiences that I am having from having weight loss surgery. I will tell everything like it is. I will share the good and also the bad of my experiences. I will share things that I have learned and what experiences I have had.

Hair Loss I consider this under the ugly catagory

Well I am starting to experience hair loss as a consequence of the weight loss surgery. I was hoping I would skip that phase of the experience. I have been told that it takes about two to three months after the weight loss surgery before hair loss starts and about seven months before it comes back.

I bought a wig and I wore it today. I do not like it very much. It is just not me. So I am still searching for a wig that I will be happy with. It is hard to find a blonde with out there that is shoulder length and has bangs.

I do not like this part of the process. Before I had my surgery my hair was thinning already due to PCOS. It was hard to deal with then, but now is worse.                 

I do not feel beautiful and am trying not to let myself get depressed about this. I just keep reminding myself that this is temporary! This surgery is worth it and I do feel happier and healthier.

I have lost 81 lbs now and I am off my blood pressure medication!